Why You Need To Try Meditation Again
Figuring how to chill out
Did you read my last newsletter and think, yeah that sounds all well and good but I can’t meditate? I can’t count how many times I have tried to mediate, it usually goes something like this:
I download Headspace, I watch the video with the cars whizzing past and I think ahh yes, those are my thoughts. I understand that I get stuck in those whizzing cars and then I feel bad that I’m screwing this up, and ohh crap, I’m really bad at this meditating thing. Ok, ok, I’m back, concentrate, meditate, breathe in, breathe out, breath in, breath-did-I-include-my-references-in-APA-format? Ohh crap. I lost it again. Oh great, now I’m stressed! and it’s only been 2 minutes. Sound familiar?
We are told to hydrate, lift heavy things, walk 10,000 steps daily, consume vitamins, sleep 8 hours a night, socialise with friends, limit our caffeine/alcohol/sugar consumption, go to therapy, meditate, do ‘health stuff’ etc. I’m a big fan of the ‘health stuff’, but I didn’t realise how ridiculous of a life hack it is to practice meditation. All the other stuff feels like sprinkles on top of a cupcake, and some of the other stuff actually develops more naturally, because you want to, not because you’re forcing yourself to.
Do you want to develop a daily meditation practice? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But hopefully if you got this far reading this, you do, and I have some tips. Yay!
What I Realised After Practicing Daily Meditation For 3 Months
You’re in it for the long term. You’re most likely going to struggle at the beginning. Accept this. You might not think you have that many issues, your life is fairly straight forward, and your therapy sessions have been moved from weekly to quarterly. AHA! Think again. You’re fucked up. We all are. You’ll have stuff to unpack and it’s going to be hard. The reason meditation is so hard at the beginning is you come face to face with thoughts that you don’t want to address. Shit that you don’t want to unpack. It’s really hard, it can hurt, it can turn your pretty life upside down. But examining the hard shit, is the work we are meant to do. Not wanting to go all philosophical on you, but all that crap catches up with us, we can keep putting it off, but it’ll come out eventually. So let’s say, okay, let’s get in there and sort this out.
You will have good days and you will have bad days. Some days you will find it easy and want to meditate for hours, other days your mind will be so busy, it’ll be difficult to slow down the thoughts. I like to meditate first thing in the morning, but if I find I am too anxious thinking about my to-do list for the day, I’ll leave meditation until I’m mentally prepped.
Consistency is key, but listen to your body. Don’t force yourself to meditate if you’re not in the mood. I recently felt very emotional (I blame the full moon in Cancer). I had a panic attack on Saturday night; I was dining at this lovely Greek restaurant watching everyone politely nibbling away on their pita bread and tzatziki dip, meanwhile I couldn’t stop thinking about how the world was doomed. I chose not to meditate or write for 3 days, I played Mario Kart, laughed with my friends, answered my emails, and made a little vase out of clay. Meditation can bring up a lot of feelings, so if your mental headspace is precarious, consider what is best for you. I had a little break and when I did feel more stable, I began to meditate again and I felt refreshed. I just needed some time. That’s ok.
Meditation will open your heart. It’s a beautiful thing, to feel more open, but it means you will find you are more sensitive to the energy around you. It’s why I suspect I had the panic attack, I felt so upset by everything that is going on with the pandemic. But I’m learning so much as I’m going through it all, it’s a blessing to feel so deeply and I am grateful. The hard things are the best things we will do with our lives. I’d rather be awake and feel it all, then asleep and numb.
Every day is different. Find what works for you that day and adjust accordingly. Some days I prefer complete silence, other days I like to listen to guided meditation or chants. Some days I like to be outside looking at the clouds, other days I like to close my eyes. From just a bit of practice, I can tune in quickly to what I need, at that time.
How to be the witness. This means observing the thoughts. Remember the whizzing cars? You are watching the cars, you’re not in the cars. I actually prefer to imagine a flowing stream, I am watching the rushing stream where leaves fall into the stream, but I don’t get wet. This takes practice, don’t be too hard on yourself. Over time you will become better at observing your thoughts and not getting caught up in them.
Okay, but how do I actually mediate you might be asking? How do I stop focusing on the thoughts? What do I focus on?
If you’re not sure what to focus on, try this, focus on one point. It could be a floating cloud, a sliver of light, the flame of a candle, the breath in and out of your nostrils, an image of an idol, or a chant as simple as repeating ‘love’. Your mind may wander, notice it and bring it back. Don’t judge or scold yourself, noticing and bringing it back is part of the work, you’re doing great! You are becoming the witness, you are in the moment, you are the moment. Time does not exist before or after this moment.
Applying this level of mindfulness to my everyday rituals has been life changing, because I am (trying my best!) to be in the moment. Regret and shame live in the past, anxiety and stress live in the future, when the moment is now, it is all that matters, and the moment is love.
I love you!