I was procrastinating again. Scrolling on Instagram and I saw this perfectly coiffed tanned influencer prancing around in these high waisted baggy jeans. I haven’t bought anything from Zara this year, and when I found out these jeans were from the Z store I did a whole roundabout negotiation in my head. They didn’t have my size so I can’t be confidently sure that I wouldn’t have bought them, but I didn’t! Is that still a win? Instead, I read this excellent newsletter from Sarah Wilson — intellectual reflections on conformity, consumer culture and the wound of separation; so much to think about!
One of of my favourite comments on the article was this:
Living around Byron Bay (north Bondi) it is something I often ponder. The endless lines of self described non conformist who carry shopping bags of clothes, wear all the same brands by companies preaching individuality and think driving a Landrover Defender and wearing RM Williams boots makes them an urban farmer surfing the Pass.
Woooweeee, I mean I had to have a little chuckle, maybe I want to be an urban farmer too? I remember going to an RM Williams store a few years ago, but I couldn’t commit to forking out the cash for a foot house. Seems bizarrely ironic that people who dress the same, drive the same car, have the same tattoos — believe they are uniquely separate individuals. But we are so head deep in the dumpster fire of beauty/fashion/diet culture, that we readily adhere to the oxymoron of individualised conformity. The nutty thing is, as Wilson so eloquently reminds us:
Conformity in a democratic but capitalist culture is particularly powerful (and dangerous) because it sells the idea that the person remains very original and individualised in their behaviour.
Marketing and brands poke and prod at our inherent desire to stand out. We believe that through our purchasing behaviour, through decorating ourselves like magpies dragging sparkly shiny things through the dirt, we are stamping ourselves as special, we are unique, we are beautiful, we will make our mark on the world, we will be remembered.
Look, I’m not judging. Well… I’m mostly just sad about it. But who hasn’t been there/is there? Probably the only person I know in my life who can’t relate is my yogi uncle who has worn the same sweatpants and orthopaedic sandals for 30 years. I spent years of my life seeking validation and identity from outside sources, so I get it. Viewing it now is like watching an old tape of my life, but every now and then, some wavy blonde influencer does their tooting best to convince me I’d be cuter and happier in baggy light denim.
Next time you click ‘add to cart’ ask yourself: what do I really want?
I’ve just finishing reading this book by Zen master Daniel Odier — Desire: The Tantric Path to Awakening, and Wilsons’ words reminded me of how the need for individuality originates from a desire to be loved. Essentially, Odier describes the desire to distinguish ourselves as resulting from the “panic about being nothing” hence the proclivity to purchase goods to create a character for ourselves, a mask to wear that separates us further from others and create a ‘Madalin’ to keep us safe. He continues to describe how the classic trilogy of sex, power, and money are “only masks, merely distorted translations of a deeper need, the need to be loved and recognized.” Insert ugly crying face.
Because that’s what we really want. Love.
Odier continues, “we imagine that we need to be loved and recognized as a totally unique being, as an entity seperate from the common mortal by our greatness”, but we misinterpret what we really, truly want. We mistake out yearning for a longing outside ourselves, hoping that by adding onto the self we will armour and protect ourselves against outside forces. We can’t possibly imagine that what we really want is to be “recognized as non-separate from the world, as a stream of love independent of an elevated ego.” And once we recognise that, this is what we truly desire, the trilogy of masks are discarded.
Indulge me to quote from stanza 74 of the Vijñāna-bhairava tantra (VBT) - “The Scripture of the Bhairava who is Consciousness”: “Wherever you find satisfaction, the very essence of bliss will be revealed to you if you remain in this place without mental wavering”. Okay, wait… wait!
The kind of spirituality I practice isn’t aimed at the goal of escaping Saṃsāra (birth and rebirth), or eluding the clutches of hell, or reducing my sentence in purgatory. It’s not aimed at levitation (although that would be sikkk), or becoming Buddha, or finally dispelling my ego once and for all. My type of spirituality is the practice of reconciling both parts of me, or allowing myself, as feminist theologian Meggan Watterson puts it, the ability to be both “fully divine and fully human”.
I don’t expect to rid myself of my human elements, I love my messy human self. My human shell is how I communicate with this world. Without the bud the flower emits no perfume (yes — I am ze flower). Being a body allows our souls the opportunity to experience bliss in this world, and for so long I have resented my body for holding me back from bliss, not realising how my body vessel provides me with the ability to hold and give love.
Seeking beauty and community-conformity outside ourselves is a sign that our souls are speaking to us. It is telling you to come inside, to come home. You know you want something, you just can’t figure out what it is exactly. But are are sure it must be something to add on-to yourself, because you are too plain, too simple — you require ornaments, you are not quite baked. But you need absolutely nothing.
The simplicity of this is heart shattering. It beggars belief. We are so inclined to distrust our bodies, to misread the signs. We think because we crave objects or people that the acquirement of those things will lead to happiness. And so many people make money off this mistranslation.
We commit a sin when we believe this. A sin is not something evil that is sending us to hell, a sin1 is simply when we miss the mark, when we make a mistake, when we forget who we truly are (fully human and fully divine). When we make this mistake of believing an untruth, we contend with demons of our own, in this very lifetime, in this very world. There is no hell that awaits us in the afterlife, we create it here and now in our thoughts and act them out IRL.
So, how do we stop with the consumerism, stop with the conformity, stop with the separation?
The type of practice recommended in the ancient VBT is simply the practice of loving presence. Odier explains, “let us jump with both feet into our daily life, let us allow consciousness to emerge naturally and replace absence. These few seconds of consciousness that we will give to our life - thirty, fifty, a hundred times a day — are the door to bliss”.
There is no big secret, no huge thing to acquire, no thing to do. You are already perfect.
We slip into love in whatever we are doing, and we continue doing this hundreds of times a day. You can start right now, in this second. That’s enough. One second per day to focus on something beautiful. You don’t know just how much this tiny practice will change your life. Watch this one second unfold into thousands of seconds as life becomes a beautiful gift, whereby nothing needs to be gained, and everything is love from your morning shower to your walk to the bus.
Can you gift yourself one second today?
So many warm hugs,
Madalin
I’m going to bookmark this because Zara is the ultimate weak spot. And just the title of this is all I need to go lol 😂 wake up.
This is a great newsletter but I have one tiny gripe - considering that Amazon.com causes so much suffering it was a bit jarring to see an affiliate link to buy your recommended book. I know you've gotta make a buck somewhere but how much suffering does Amazon cause in order to make the profit to pay that buck? Just a thought.