A rough transcript between my soul and my ego, perhaps your ego can relate?
My soul: You know, it took you a very long time to be open to the idea of spirituality.
My ego: *Rolls her eyes and lets out a large disgruntled sigh*. Look at these numpty’s dressed up in the desert wearing feathers and black tape across their nipples. Does it hurt when they pull it off? Oh wow, another blond, white, middle class woman telling me how to live my life. Painful. Oh she’s one of those Jesus women with ‘be kind’ in her bio, meanwhile in her spare time she trolls 12 years olds on TikTok. I like hating on people, I like gossiping, I like being drunk, I like watching successful people get cancelled, it’s fun. You’re such a party pooper. I just want to laugh at other people and have a good time. My mental health sucks, the world is going to shit, and you’re so self-righteous. Urghh you make me sick. I don’t want to examine myself, that’s boring, I just want to live my little life and die. Can you just leave me in peace? Signed sincerely, your exhausted and spent ego.
My soul: Wow, okay that was a lot. You sound angry about something. Are you angry?
My ego: Go away you are such a pain. Yes I’m angry but I don’t want to talk about it with you. Love and light x.
My soul: Why not?
My ego: Urghh, because it’s too hard. I don’t want to go deeper. I don’t want to explore the unexplored parts of me. It’s going to hurt. It’s going to be painful. Maybe long term it will be good for me, but in the short term I just can’t do it.
My soul: Aren’t you tired?
My ego: Yes, I’m tired but I don’t know any other way to live, I don’t know what to do, but you pressing me like this with your talk of “love and light” is so… annoying.
My soul: I know you’re tired, but I do truly love you. You keep acting like you’re the main character and the star of the show and you’re not. You just aren’t that special.
My ego: wow, okay, rude.
My soul: You’re all smoke and mirrors. I don’t want to destroy you, I want to help you. I know you want to help Madalin too. But you’re built on fear, I know you want to keep her safe but you’re not helping like you think you are.
My ego: *looks down dejected*
My soul: You know I had a dream about you once.
My ego: *perks up*, oh yeah what did I look like, was I cute?
My soul: well actually at the beginning you weren’t very nice at all. In fact I’ve never heard anyone say such nasty things about Madalin before, I was a bit shocked.
My ego: Yeah, (proudly smiles) I’m a bit of a nasty b*tch.
My soul: Well, you think you are. I kept asking you questions and each time you would change your answer, you kept trying to escape me, fade into smoke, evaporate, or just stick to the walls like a web. You refused to let go.
My ego: Sounds like some cool Harry Potter shit.
My soul: But each time I asked you a question, you become smaller and smaller, your voice which started out so powerful, strong, and cruel, become weaker and weaker. And then I saw you. The real you.
My ego: You did?
My soul: Yes, you look like shit honestly. You are terrified. You are pure fear. Your eyes were bulging out of your head, you looked like you hadn’t slept in years, like the person who drew you was wired on 12 cups of coffee, you looked like you really need a break.
My ego: Yes I do need a break but I don’t know where to turn… but umm, what happened next, in your dream, did I get better?
My soul: I asked you to let me love you, to hold you and wrap in my love. You screamed and had a bit of a tantrum, but you eventually realised, that’s what you truly want, you’ve just had a tough time admitting it.
My ego: Did I disappear? Did Madalin die? What will happen to her if I’m not running the show? There’s so many dangers out there you know, we have to be on alert and ready 24/7.
My soul: You didn’t disappear, you softened and melted into me. You really seemed very happy there, and I asked Madalin and she is also very happy with you taking a break and being loved.
My ego: She is?
My soul: Oh yes, it’s about time we both think. You’ve been the master of the show for a long time, but it’s time to step back and enjoy an early retirement as a supporting member of the cast.
My ego: Ohh okay, well I suppose that’s that!
My soul: Well, not so fast, you’ve been around for so long, that you’re going to find it difficult to hand over the reigns, so every now and then, when you feel anxious and fearful, you might begin demanding to be back again as the master, director and main character. I’m here to love you and guide you and remind you, I’ve got it from here.
My ego: Oh well that’s a relief, thank you very muchly and sorry for maybe *slightly* over-reacting. I see you want the best for me, and I will trust in that, just please don’t start taping your nipples.
My soul: of course, I’m not a total numpty 🙃
I love where this is going❤️, can’t wait for next one tomorrow