Dealing With The Hypocrite
The inner critic is backkk
I often feel like a hypocrite.
I have so much privilege it almost feels unfair. Sure, my life is not without its fair share of problems but overall, I feel unbelievably lucky. I live in a beautiful country, I have an amazing husband, loving family and friends, my work is joyful, my back doesn’t hurt, I am sprightly! I live a relatively easy life, I’m really lucky, and I sometimes feel like it’s not my duty to write this newsletter.
Who am I to give advice? What do I know about suffering?
I have not faced the struggles that many others do. I’ve had my share of pain, but it’s not comparable to others. I sometimes hear this voice that tells me, “You are a hypocrite. Who are you to tell people to love themselves? Easy for you to say, with your easy life.”
Often when I hear this voice I feel a stirring anxiety. A feeling of fear. I am doing it wrong. I am going to get cancelled. I am going to hurt people. I need to stay safe. I need to stick to the status quo. I should peddle hair waving wands and blueberry flavoured diet tea. Stay quiet.
But today was different. I had a response to this and it felt true. I’ve been practicing listening to what feels true and I’ve felt more in touch with my intuition. When something feels true it feels like a deep sinking knowing. It is soft and warm. When something feels false it smacks right out of me. It is hard and cold.
The voice said, “What else could you do? You have privilege, don’t squander it. You should be the one speaking up, sharing your truth, because you don’t have barriers. Be aware of your privilege yes, but you don’t need to hide in the shadows. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on, living from fear does nobody good.”
My favourite quote when I was growing up was from the Aussie classic Strictly Ballroom, “A life lived in fear is a life half lived.” I don’t want to make decisions based in fear, I choose to make decisions based in love.
For somebody who is so used to living in a place of guilt accepting this was big for me. I don’t need to feel guilty for sharing my experience with people. If I have more time to meditate, then that’s what I should be doing. I should be working to live my truth, to keep my cup full and overflowing so that I can share my gifts. The more healing I give myself, the more I can give to others. We cannot pour from an empty cup.
Sometimes I feel that I am writing content that is cringey and painful and a bit annoying. But it’s really just my truth. Right from my heart. And sometimes the simplest lessons do feel cringey, because we are so used to disregarding this truth. Our ego is used to making up an excuse to ignore this voice. So we call it cringey, and hypocritical, and embarrassing. The ego considers all the ways our purest thoughts could harm/humiliate/destroy us and it uses this to protect us from voicing our truth.
Our ego does not mean to be cruel, they want to keep us safe. Remember, our ego is grounded in fear, they are trying to protect us. It’s scary to let go of your ego and let your soul take over.
It’s time to let go.
I love you!
Madalin x